A statement by national NOW President Toni Van Pelt:
Labor Day is meant to be a day of celebration, marking the contributions made by all working people in the U.S.—but for women, it’s a reminder of how far we remain from full equality.
Women make up 47% of the labor force and are the sole breadwinners in 40% of families with children—and yet, the wage gap between working women and men persists in nearly every occupation.
Despite civil rights laws and advancements in women’s economic status, workplace discrimination still persists. For women of color, this inequity can be devastating. According to the National Women’s Law Center, African American women working full-time are paid 64 cents for every dollar a man earns, and Latina women are paid 56 cents for every dollar a man earns.
Women remain segregated into jobs where they are underpaid and undervalued. Women make up 95% of the workforce in industries considered “women’s work,” such as home care, child care and housekeeping—yet most workers in these fields lack basic employment protections enjoyed by workers in other fields. And women are particularly vulnerable to an artificially low minimum wage that puts their families at risk.
Labor Day won’t be a holiday that’s truly worth celebrating until the gender pay gap is erased, the minimum wage is raised to at least $15, paid parental leave is universal and parents have access to subsidized childcare.
Until then, Labor Day will remain just another day for shopping and barbecue.
August 20, 2018–The Connecticut chapter of the National Organization for Women (CT NOW) has endorsed more than 80 candidates running for state office in the November 2018 election.*
The endorsements are based on responses candidates gave to a CT NOW questionnaire. Questions were designed to show how candidates’ beliefs lined up with both Connecticut and national NOW’s legislative and policy priorities. Particular attention was paid to candidates’ answers on questions related to:
Reproductive rights and justice
Ending violence against women
LBGT rights (including marriage equality)
All Connecticut candidates were invited to complete the questionnaire. Only those who responded were considered.
“Issues at the core of today’s women’s movement–issues like reproductive rights, gender equality, family leave, access to education and equal pay–aren’t just women’s issues. They’re family issues,” said CT NOW Vice President Kate Hamilton Moser. “They’re also issues that Connecticut officials will likely face in the 2019 Legislative Session, and that are at the core of what NOW is all about. Connecticut NOW is committed to helping elect officials who are equally committed to the advancement of women’s, human rights and equality for all, and we are pleased to offer these endorsements.”
For Statewide Office
Governor Ned Lamont, Democrat
Lieutenant Governor Susan Bysiewicz, Democrat
Attorney General William Tong, Democrat
Secretary of State Denise Merrill, Democrat
State Treasurer Shawn Wooden, Democrat
For State Senate
Beth Bye, Democrat, 5th District
Terry Gerratana, Democrat, 6th District
Melissa Osborne, Democrat, 8th District
Matt Lesser, Democrat, 9th District
Gary Winfield, Democrat, 10th District
Martin Looney, Democrat, 11th District
Christine Cohen, Democrat, 12th District
James Maroney, Democrat, 14th District
Robert Statchen, Democrat, 18th District
Monica Brill, Democrat, 21st District
Julie Kushner, Democrat, 24th District
Bob Duff, Democrat, 25th District
William Haskell, Democrat, 26th District
Michelle Lapine McCabe, Democrat, 28th District
Chris Wright, Democrat, 31st District
Catherine De Carli, Democrat, 32nd District
Aili McKeen, Democrat, 34th District
John Perrier, Democrat, 35th District
For State House of Representatives
Matt Ritter, Democrat, 1st District
Raghib Allie-Brennan, Democrat, 2nd District
Mary Sanders, Green Party, 4th District
Joshua Hall, Democrat, 7th District
Brenda Falusi, Democrat, 8th District
Geoffrey Luxenberg, Democrat, 12th District
Jason Doucette, Democrat, 13th District
John Pelkey, Democrat, 14th District
Eleni Kavros DeGraw, Democrat, 17th District
Jillian Gilchrest, Democrat, 18th District
Derek Slap, Democrat, 19th District
Michael Demicco, Democrat, 21st District
Richard Ireland, Democrat, 22nd District
Matt Pugliese, Democrat, 23rd District
Gary Turco, Democrat, 27th District
Russell Morin, Democrat, 28th District
Kerry Wood, Democrat, 29th District
Joseph Aresimowicz, Democrat, 30th District
Laurel Steinhauser, Democrat, 32nd District
Theresa Govert, Democrat, 34th District
Jason Adler, Democrat, 35th District
Christine Palm, Democrat, 36th District
Baird Welch-Collins, Democrat, 38th District
Christine Conley, Democrat, 40th District
Emmett Riley, Democrat, 46th District
Kate Donnelly, Democrat, 47th District
Linda Orange, Democrat, 48th District
Susan Johnson, Democrat, 49th District
Patricia Wilson Pheanious, Democrat, 53rd District
Gregory Haddad, Democrat, 54th District
Tiffany Thiele, Democrat, 55th District
Michael Winkler, Democrat, 56th District
Thomas Arnone, Democrat, 5th8 District
Jane Garibay, Democrat, 60th District
Jack Henrie, Democrat, 61st District
Amanda Webster, Democrat, 62nd District
Candy Perez, Democrat, 63rd District
Maria Horn, Democrat, 64th District
Alex Larsson, Democrat, 66th District
Greg Cava, Democrat, 69th District
David Borzellino, Democrat, 80th District
Ryan Rogers, Democrat, 81st District
Hilda Santiago, Democrat, 84th District
Theresa Ranciato-Viele, 87th District
Joshua Elliott, Democrat, 88th District
Roland Lemar, Democrat, 96th District
James Albis, Democrat, 99th District
John-Michael Parker, Democrat, 101st District
Robin Comey, Democrat, 102nd District
Rebekah Harriman-Stites, Democrat, 106th District
Daniel Pearson, Democrat, 107th District
Mary Welander, Democrat, 114th District
Dorinda Borer, Democrat, 115th District
Cindy Wolfe Boynton, Democrat, 117th District
Kim Rose, Democrat, 118th District
Ellen Beatty, Democrat, 119th District
Sujata Gadkar-Wilcox, Democrat, 123rd District
Charlie Stallworth, Democrat, 126th District
Jack Hennessy, Democrat, 127th District
Caitlin Pereira, Democrat, 132nd District
Cristin McCarthy Vahey, Democrat, 133rd District
Ashley Gaudiano, Democrat, 134th District
Anne Hughes, Democrat, 135th District
Jonathan Steinberg, Democrat, 136th District
Lucy Dathan, Democrat, 142nd District
Caroline Simmons, Democrat, 144 District
David Michel, Democrat, 146 District
Corey Paris, Democrat, 146 District
Matthew Blumenthal, Democrat, 147 District
Laura Kostin, Democrat, 151 District
Founded in 1970, CT NOW is proud to be part of the largest organization of feminist activists in the United States. The grassroots arm of the women’s movement, we are one of more than 500 local and campus national NOW affiliates across the United States and a leader–rather than a follower–of public opinion. Learn more about us at www.now-ct.org.
Editor’s Note: I have a friend who has an adorable 3-year-old son in preschool. Shortly after the Florida school shooting in February that claimed 17 lives, she expressed her growing anxiety about sending her son off to preschool every day. “I want to do something, but I have no idea what to do,” she said. “What can I do?” It turns out, a lot. The night before, I sat in an audience at Housatonic Community College in Bridgeport and listened to Mary Ann Jacob, one of the survivors of the Sandy Hook School shooting in Newtown five years ago. As a gunman entered the school and began his killing spree, Jacob led 20 children to safety, hiding with them in a storage closet. Now an outspoken advocate for gun safety, Jacob wrote the following essay in response to my question: “What can the average woman do to help protect her children from gun violence?”
By MARY ANN JACOB
While the epidemic of gun violence in this country causes a ripple effect through families and communities, it affects women particularly hard. Domestic violence, mass shootings, day to day gun violence and suicide rip families apart every day, and women are most often the ones left to pick up the pieces of their families’ lives.
I know this personally, because on Dec.14, 2012, a gunman shot his way into Sandy Hook School while I was working in the library. As the gunman blasted his way through the hallway killing our principal Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung and our school psychologist Mary Sherlach, then two classrooms where he killed 20 first graders and four more educators, the rest of the staff was frantically hiding and protecting the children in their care.
When those of us who survived went home later that day, the first thing we had to do was be strong for our own children, several of whom also survived the shooting that day, and many of whom were school-aged children in other community schools. I can remember walking up to my front door, putting my hand on the doorknob and thinking, “Pull yourself together, you are about to see your two sons,” before I turned the handle. Within hours of surviving one of the worst mass shootings this country has ever seen, we had no choice but to put aside our own grief and trauma to take care of those around us.
Don’t be fooled, this is not a partisan political issue but a public health crisis like this country hasn’t seen since the outbreak of AIDS.
When the time came to return to school a few weeks later, we were faced with the choice of whether to take care of ourselves or others. The school district floated the idea of bringing in substitute teachers if we were not up to returning, but not one staff member thought the kids should return to a school full of strangers. Without exception, the staff at Sandy Hook School chose to be there to greet the surviving children as they returned to an unfamiliar school in a neighboring town. We held each other up as the days and weeks wore on so we could be there day in and day out for the students…because that’s what women do.
As time progressed and we grew stronger, many of us chose to add our voices to those calling for an end to the gun violence assaulting our schools, churches, offices and homes. We could no longer stand by while more children died day after day.
Eighteen months after the shooting at our school, I reached my own personal tipping point. I watched on TV as the horror unfolded after the shooting in Isla Vista, CA. I was shaken to my core as I watched Richard Martinez, whose son Christopher was killed in that shooting, give his impassioned plea “Not One More” person be taken by gun violence. And I knew then it was my time to stand up and speak out.
I joined Everytown for Gun Safety and learned about the many issues surrounding gun violence in our country today:
+ 96 Americans are killed by guns every day.
+ Black men are 13 times more likely to be shot and killed with a gun than white men.
+ Over 50 women are shot to death by an intimate partner every month.
Who picks up the pieces of these families? Women.
So it’s no surprise that the effort to end gun violence has galvanized women across the country into action. Since the Sandy Hook School shooting millions of people – many of them women, have joined Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America – an organization started by Shannon Watts in her kitchen following the shooting. We have almost as many members as the NRA and they’ve been around for over 100 years longer than we have.
Following the Feb. 14th shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas School in Parkland, FL., students have taken control of the conversation and infused the movement with new energy. More than 150,000 people have signed up to be volunteers with Moms Demand Action since the Parkland shooting and our movement is only growing stronger.
As I travel around speaking with groups about this epidemic of gun violence, many people thank me and ask me what they can do to help. Women especially, who are tired of seeing their children cry as they board the school bus, or afraid their children will be shot walking home from school in their neighborhood streets, have had enough.
We are marching, calling our elected officials, writing letters, educating others and running for office. This is a grassroots effort that has a place for each and every woman who is willing to take a stand. In 2018, more than 79 women are exploring runs for governor, more than double a record set in 1994. The women challenging incumbents in the US House of Representatives is roughly 350% higher than in 2016. Expect us – we are coming!
Women . . . have had enough.
Seven children and teens are killed with guns on an average day and many are the result of adults leaving loaded weapons around where children can find them. The BeSmart campaign teaches families about safe storage in their own homes. Women can lead the way by spreading the word, supporting the program and simply asking if guns are in the homes they visit. PTAs can be instrumental in supporting the effort in individual communities. Women physicians are spreading the word as they meet with families and children in their practices every day. Talking about gun sense should be as routine as pool safety, wearing a helmet on a bicycle and wearing a seatbelt.
Nearly 62% of the firearms deaths in the U.S. are suicides. Suicide is often an impulsive act and survivors rarely make a second attempt. But firearms are the most lethal means of committing suicide and individuals rarely survive the attempt to get treatment. As mothers, sisters and children we have firsthand knowledge of how suicide affects families for generations. Ensuring that our loved ones who may pose a danger to themselves don’t have access to guns is an effective way to reduce these numbers.
Background checks should be required for 100% of gun purchases in all states. We know that over 3,000,000 gun sales to dangerous people have been stopped by them. We can work with our representatives locally and in Washington to ensure that a criminal background check is made on all gun sales. They are the single most effective tool to keep guns out of the hands of people with dangerous mental illnesses. And please, when confronted with the ridiculous argument that criminals don’t follow laws, ask why it is we have any laws at all? We know that car safety has increased because of a comprehensive package of laws that include air bags, graduated licensing laws, stricter DUI enforcement, driver education and speed limits. Do people still speed? Of course, but many lives are saved nonetheless.
In addition to running for office, we as women can research and support candidates who reflect our values. Don’t be fooled, this is not a partisan political issue but a public health crisis like this country hasn’t seen since the outbreak of AIDS. We have the power to choose how we respond every day, and who we choose to represent us at a local, state and national level. Ask each and every candidate who wants your support what their positions are. And if those holding elected office or running for office put the interests of the gun lobby before the safety of our families, it’s time to vote them out. Click here if you’d like to support those efforts: https://everytown.org/throwthemout/
We have learned from the students in Parkland that we don’t need traditional media to keep the conversation going, just our smartphones and some pointed social media work. Corporations are beginning to jump on board one by one and refusing to do business with companies that manufacture guns or support their distribution. You can help drive more change by choosing who you do business with, where you invest your money and where you bank. Let the companies that are doing it right know you support them with your purchases, and for the ones who are getting it wrong, they will learn the hard way.
Finally, pick up your phone and text the word JOIN to 64433. Join us at Everytown for Gun Safety today. We will keep you informed about the issues facing your community as well as nationally. We cannot expect our leaders to change unless we are willing to do the heavy lifting. We know what to do, so let’s get to work. We are women – we can and will do this.
Have you ever been in a class where someone’s work is so great that yours pales by comparison every time?
Katie Beavan of Southport is that classmate. With her proper English accent and poetic mastery of the English language, Katie managed to churn out mini-masterpieces during our class “Journey of Women Through Writing” at the Westport Writers’ Workshop.
Our class was by no means a competition, but Katie brought a unique twist to our assignments written during a three-hour block every Tuesday morning. She clearly hails from the land of Chaucer and Shakespeare, creating pieces with rich texture and layers in a voice that is uniquely her own.
Given her talent to write eloquently on subjects ranging from anorexia to sexism in a 15-minute time frame, I can’t wait to see her one-woman play “Harvey’s Phallus, Where’s My Pussy Hat?” inspired by the Harvey Weinstein sex scandal. The play is at 7 p.m. May 11 at the Wien Experimental Theatre at the Quick Centre for the Arts at Fairfield University.
Auto/ethnographic performance is a both a method of critical qualitative inquiry and a stage performance. The scholar-performer uses her body as a cultural text to critically inquire, write, and present to audiences, hoping to invoke in turn, their personal, critical and embodied reflections.
Katie works as a feminist practitioner-scholar, using her experiences as a long-term executive and 21st century woman leading a multi-faceted 24/7 life as raw data. She is currently a Ph.D. candidate at the University of West of England. Her research focuses on how to (un)do gender in hyper-masculine cultures and accelerate the current slow pace of progress towards gender parity.
Her 2017 piece “Sleepless and Inchoate in Boston” explores the scenes and emotions of a senior executive woman in Boston for a dinner event and engaged in a heated e-mail dispute with her bosses. The play explores power at work, women at work, shame, anger, empathy, and agency.
Katie’s 2018 piece ‘Harvey’s Phallus, Where Is My Pussy Hat? is a performance of fragments. In this piece, she is engaging with powerful emotions and vulnerable and painful, personal memories of sexual harassment evoked by the unfolding Harvey Weinstein story. It also explores wider cultural issues of misogyny, power and control of women’s bodies, political agency and exploring the potential for women’s solidarity.
The play is free and open to the public. Oh and wear a pink pussy hat if you have one.
HB 5210 has gained importance and urgency. The current presidential administration continues to chip away at the Affordable Care Act, only in more administrative ways. Here is more information regarding a nationwide attempt by some states to combat this: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/03/08/591909106/a-health-plan-down-payment-is-one-way-states-try-retooling-individual-mandate.
A bill similar to HB5210 did not pass last year, and with this year’s shortened legislative session ending in just three weeks, we need to push for passage of this bill.
As a reminder HB5210 puts the insurance coverage the Affordable Care Act mandated into law in Connecticut, should the ACA be repealed on the Federal level.
This particular bill has the added benefits of requiring coverage of at least one type of all birth control methods and allowing patients to get 12 months of birth control pills at once.
This bill does not have a scheduled vote date yet but I will update you once there is one.
In the meantime, the Connecticut Coalition for Choice is looking for volunteers for this event:
For those who don’t use Facebook, this Health Care Action Day is hosted by Protect Our Care CT. It is at Emanuel Lutheran Church, 311 Capitol Ave, Hartford, CT. There will be a briefing at 2:30pm and then everyone will go across the street to the Legislative Office Building.
The coalition is looking for individuals willing to speak with legislators about the importance of HB 5210. If interested, you can get in touch with me at LAPizzoferrato@gmail.com and I will refer you to an organizer.
Lauren Pizzoferrato is CT NOW representative for the CT Coalition for Choice.
The editorial published April 12, 2018 in the Hartford Courant regarding the paid family leave bill currently being reviewed by the Connecticut legislature was patently false in its analysis.
The Editorial notes that while there are “humane reasons to support the paid family leave bill in the legislature” the overwhelming reason not to is that the “state is broke.” It then spends a number of paragraphs detailing how expensive the paid family leave bill will be for the State. This analysis fails to note one simple and important point: THE STATE OF CONNECTICUT WOULD NOT PAY FOR PAID FAMILY LEAVE.
The proposal includes a very small tax taken from each worker’s check, which is then put into a reserve to fund future paid leave requests. In fact, employees will not be able to access the funds for a year after the tax begins, so that the reserve accumulates to insure sufficient funds to cover not only the requested leaves but also the additional State workers required to administer the program. How do we know this simple fact? An actuarial analysis was commissioned by the legislature in 2015 that determined whether such a program would be sustainable (https://fmli.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/implementation-study.pdf). Moreover, we have actual real life proof in the long standing programs in both California and New Jersey.
Contrary to the conclusion made in the Editorial, paid family and medical leave is a clear solution to some of Connecticut’s fiscal struggles. With our neighboring states either now offering paid family and medical leave or on the eve of passing such a program, our lack of this clear and necessary program creates another reason for young people to take their educations and leave the State. No one should have to choose between their job and their family or health, and when our neighbors do not require young, mobile future leaders to make such a choice, Connecticut becomes the clear loser.
Moreover, as the Editorial itself notes, this is the “humane” decision. Unlike the alternative proposal discussed in the Editorial in which business owners would be given a tax credit for providing paid leave to their workers . . . the current option neither requires a payment on the part of the employers nor does it remove the tax revenue from that State. This really is a proposal that should easily garner support as it allows the State to do the right thing by giving workers an opportunity to address the reality of family and medical needs, while not asking either employers or the State to foot the bill.
It is one thing to disagree with the analysis that has been prepared, or even have concerns over the value of such a program, but it is just laziness on the part of the Editorial Staff to not investigate the actual proposal for paid family leave and the supporting analysis for the bill. I urge you to take two minutes and review the real facts on paid family and medical leave found on the Connecticut Campaign for Paid Family Leave website or Facebook page. Nichole Berklas is CT NOW representative for Campaign for Paid Family Leave.
You might expect Mary Ann Jacob to be discouraged about gun control.
Five years after surviving the Sandy Hook School shooting massacre by locking herself and 18 children in a storage closet, Jacob is dismayed by the number of school shootings, but believes history will show Sandy Hook was a major turning point in the gun control fight.
“This is a marathon, not a sprint,” Jacobs said. “It’s going to take awhile, because we have to change a whole culture and its way of thinking. But I think when we look back in a generation, we’re going to see that Sandy Hook was the major turning point.”
Jacobs attended a screening of the acclaimed 2016 documentary Newtown Wednesday night at Housatonic Community College in Bridgeport to highlight the importance of citizens, particularly women, in the gun control fight. The event was co-sponsored by the HHC journalism department and NOW’s Connecticut chapter.
I fixed my eyes on Jacobs, a library aide at Sandy Hook at the time of the shooting, as she fielded audience questions after the film. Dressed stylishly in a teal blouse, black sweater and slacks, and composed, she shows no outward signs of surviving the deadliest school shooting in U.S. history.
She has no medals to show her bravery, no purple heart to show the deep psychological wounds she suffered when 20-year-old Adam Lanza burst into the school on Dec. 14, 2014, killing 20 first-grade students and six staff members before killing himself.
But like her hometown, Jacobs was forever changed that day. She’s a survivor and a hero, shepherding 18 children to safety. And after walking around for months shell-shocked and just trying to get through the day, she and other Newtown survivors, relatives and friends emerged with a mission: tougher gun laws to prevent future tragedies.
Jacobs and other Newtown teachers and staff didn’t think they could return after the shooting, and hiring substitute teachers and aides was considered. But they decided if parents could put kids on the bus and kids could come to school, they could return too. And they did, setting up a makeshift school in the next town. Jacob said not much learning took place for about three months after the shooting, noting everyone just tried to get through each day.
She noted a rough winter blessedly led to many snow days, sparing the school from regimented weeks. Ordered, regular schedules were the last thing the kids or staff needed. They just needed to be together and heal as best they could.
“There wasn’t one week until about May where we had five days of school in a row, and that was such a relief because I don’t think we could have survived five consecutive days of school,” she said.
Though mounting gun violence makes us feel helpless and afraid, Jacob said we can and must do more. In the wake of the Parkland, FL., school shooting, three times as many calls supporting the NRA are coming into lawmakers as those supporting gun control. If you want to make a difference, Jacobs said, you’ve got to speak up and make your voice heard. You can’t expect others to do it for you.
“Don’t be a slacktivist, someone who doesn’t do anything,” she said. “This problem is not going to disappear. If there’s going to be change, it’s going to have to be a grassroots, bottom-up effort.”
It’s true. Connecticut chapter NOW president Cindy Wolfe Boynton was expecting a standing room only crowd given the timing of the screening. Just weeks after gun control rallies in Washington, D.C., and around the country mobilized the movement, Boynton expected to build momentum, particularly among women.
But about half the seats were empty, evidence of good intentions, but complacency. When I asked if a friend who had indicated she was attending was there, Boynton shook her head. “Not here,” she said. “Everyone always says they’re coming, but . . .”
Though Newtown is heartbreaking with its stories of lost children, shattered families and beautiful community crushed by a crazed gunman, you’re struck by the love and resilience of the community. Parents like Mark Barden and Nicole Hockley of the Sandy Hook Promise, who work tirelessly for tougher gun laws. Loved ones like Bill Sherlach, whose wife Mary, the school psychologist at Sandy Hook, was one of the victims.
Co-founder of the Sandy Hook Promise, Sherlach said he’ll never stop fighting for tougher gun laws because he owes it to his wife, who worked at the school for 18 years and loved the kids. Though progress is slow, he said he’s heartened by a Sandy Hook Promise program in schools that teaches children and teachers to look for signs of potential problems in students – alienation, isolation, poor communication and socializing skills – prevent potential disasters.
“We’ve got to look out for each other, and we’re teaching kids and teachers to notice signs,” he said. “I know of at least three shootings that were thwarted because of this program.”
All positive signs, but not nearly enough. I dreaded watching Newtown, but I’m glad I did because it’s motivated me to get more involved in the gun control movement. I’ve been as big a slacktivist as anyone else. It’s not only time to get involved, it’s long overdue.
It’s a busy week. Here are just a few things on our radar:
LESSONS OF NEWTOWN: Join Connecticut chapter-NOW President Cindy Wolfe Boynton and journalism students at Housatonic Community College in Bridgeport for a free screening and panel discussion of the documentary Newtown from 6:30 to 9 p.m. Wednesday. The screening and panel discussion will be held in the Events Center on the 2nd floor of Beacon Hall, 900 Lafayette Blvd., Bridgeport. Ample free parking is available in HCC’s garage.
FUNNY BONE: Check out the Queer Queens of Qomedy’s show at 4 p.m. April 15th (Sunday) at the Hartford Funny Bone, 194 Buckland Hills Drive, Manchester. The show features comedians Poppy Champlin, New York comedian Kathy Arnold, and Boston comedian Chloe Cunha. A Rhode Island-based comedian for 30 years, Champlin calls the show feminist comedy. Tickets are $25 for general admission and $40 for VIP admission, which includes a meet and greet before the show, wine and cheese and preferred seating. More info: www.queerqueensofqomedy.com.
LOBBY FOR PAID LEAVE: Join the 4-week fight for paid leave. Weekly lobby days every WEDNESDAY beginning 4/11 and ending 5/2. Each week highlights a different aspect of paid leave and why it’s so critical for Connecticut workers, families and businesses. RSVP and you’ll get additional details. More info: http://bit.ly/PaidLeaveLobby.
STEINEM SPEAKS: Legendary feminist Gloria Steinem is the keynote speaker for the Hartford YMCA’s In the Company of Women Luncheon Thursday at the Connecticut Convention Center, 100 Columbus Blvd., Hartford. The event starts at 11, with lunch and program from 12:30-2 p.m.
CT-NOW ON ESTY: CT-Now President Cindy Wolfe Boynton shared her thoughts on the scandal surrounding U.S. Rep. Elizabeth Esty on WFSB-Channel 3’s Face the State. If you missed it, click here: http://www.wfsb.com/clip/14251613/congresswoman-esty-at-center-of-scandal.
Have you ever started a new career or business, and been disappointed when your friends – the ones you thought would be your biggest supporters – didn’t quite meet your expectations?
This came up during a recent discussion with a friend. One of her close friends launched a new business, and has approached her several times seeking her financial support. My friend isn’t in a position to support her friend’s business, but isn’t sure how to get her point across without hurting her feelings.
This is straining their friendship. Her friend was counting on her support. But should you feel obligated to buy something you don’t want or need to keep your friendship intact? How do you say no to a friend without hurting her feelings? Has this happened to you, and how do you handle it?
This comes up a lot in my circle because I’ve been mostly a stay-at-home mom for the past 20 years. Once the kids get older and are in school all day, lots of moms try to re-enter the workforce. The problem is many employers don’t want anything to do with us because they think we’ve been sitting home doing nothing all day. We have that dreaded hole in our resume, and nothing will make it go away.
Many of my friends are whip smart and left lucrative careers to raise their kids, but shift careers and trajectories to relaunch. We think (hope) that our friends will support our new endeavors, assuming they’re as eager for us to thrive as we are. When they don’t, it can lead to disappointment, rejection and anger.
This happened to me when I launched my own yoga business. Many friends and acquaintances assured me that they’d support me and attend my classes, but few did. They had no obligation to attend my classes. After all, they pointed out, there are so many exercise classes out there and so little time.
But it stung. A lot. I took it personally, and felt very let down. I had counted on a cadre of people – the ones who seemed so supportive when I was newly certified – to support me. What really hurt was when I’d see their yoga mat in the back of their cars. I knew they were going to class, just not mine.
Of course, it’s business, and some people are better at handling rejection than others. I realized I’m not cut out to teach yoga. I love going to classes, but teaching it? That’s a very different story and maybe the best lesson I took away from the whole experience.
Everyone has her own talents and gifts. Teaching yoga isn’t one of mine. I don’t know why we have such unrealistic expectations of our friends when it comes to business or jobs, but we do. When our friends don’t support us, we feel like they’ve abandoned us and want us to fail. Perhaps a little more understanding, grace and honesty on everyone’s part is needed. It certainly couldn’t hurt.
I lost them in that order. I guess you could say I’m in full-on mid-life crisis.
My mother’s passing is the most traumatic, and has left a hole that will never heal. But being an unemployed woman over 50 in this job market makes every day more challenging. Landing a job in journalism or marketing at my age sometimes feels next to impossible.
I left my old job after 16 years. It wasn’t something I wanted to do. I was managing editor of a trade publication and enjoyed the work. But it became clear that it was time to go.
Over the past 28 weeks or so, I’ve applied for about 20 jobs, using Indeed, Glassdoor and creative circle sites. Of those, I’ve interviewed for about seven. No luck yet.
I really don’t know why I’ve been denied, why no one wants to hire me, but I have my hunches. I’m 50. I have “too much experience” for some jobs, but “not enough” for top editor jobs. I also sense that I’m limited in logistics. Commuting to New York City would be a long haul, but I’m willing to do it. I also want to leave the K-12 publishing industry, which has been my life for 16 years and where I have the most recent contacts. I’d rather not travel for work.
I recently started looking at other job sites, including CareerBoutique. That’s when the potential jobs sent to me started to get nutty. I’ve so far been “advised” of jobs in waste management, the U.S. Postal Service, mailroom clerk and a Lyft driver. I’m not knocking these jobs. I just don’t think my writing/editing experience fits.
Some might think I need to apply for more jobs, that it’s a “numbers game.” But I’m determined to find work that pays the bills and makes my heart sing. I’m striving to find editing or writing work that will make a difference – in social justice, the environment, law or health sciences. I’m also looking to work in communications or public relations at an independent school, using my extensive experience at a K-12 trade publication. I’ve sought out a head hunter agency for that position. I’ve had some phone interviews, but again, no job offers.
In my research for this piece, I wanted to find some facts about the job-seeking arena. I found a few stories on “what not to do” in finding a job, “how to build a stellar resume,” or “common mistakes” job seekers make and how to avoid the pitfalls.
Here is one I found, eh-hem, from the American Association of Retired Persons: “8 Common Mistakes Older Job Seekers Make.” (I refuse to think I’m even close to this cohort of people. Some would call it denial.)
Here are some mistakes, according to the AARP story: https://www.aarp.org/work/job-hunting/info-2015/job-search-mistakes-photo.html
Kicking back and taking a break.
Not me. I’ve been freelancing for Discovery Education, writing a few blogs for another K-12 technology company, and most recently, started taking a course to potentially pursue patient advocacy in a hospital. [This idea surfaced after my mother was in and out of three hospitals over the last two weeks of her life. Two of the three were horrible experiences – as my mother was neglected and pretty much pushed out, without getting the proper treatment.] The world, or at least the United States, needs more patient advocates! I figure that my 30 years of work experience and my communication skills would benefit me in this position.
Using dated email accounts.
Right. So this was something I didn’t realize until my sister-in-law, who works for a non-profit for children and families in California, advised me that my very old “Yahoo” account was an “Absolutely NOT” sign on my resume when I sent applications for jobs. I immediately created a gmail account, which seems to have made the difference between no bites and some bites.
Missing a digital presence.
I have bolstered my LinkedIn account, have done some tweeting (though, I could do more), and have reached out to writer friends.
Lacking salary flexibility.
Nope. I’m fully aware that I need to lower my expectations in this area. However, the tricky part is not sounding too desperate or refusing to value my own worth. When I interviewed for an associate editor position with a national consumer publication last fall, the editor was quite impressed with my skills and knowledge. He essentially told me that I could “do this job, no problem.” But he worried for me – how considerate! – that it was too “low” for me. I tried to reassure him that it certainly was not, that the work would be fun and challenging, and that the publication was something I’ve always wanted to write for! Even as a child!
But after a writing and editing test, he told me they changed their minds, and they were not going to hire anyone for the job after all.
I didn’t know if he was being honest, but I did start to see the same job description on a jobs site on a “freelance” basis. So maybe, it’s true. Maybe they didn’t want to pay the very costly health benefits?
I know I’m a good worker bee. I’m conscientious, thorough, detailed, intelligent, witty and knowledgeable.
For the next potential employer, I’d really like to include some of these qualifications, just for that shock value I like to throw out:
I grew up [in the 1970s] thinking I had to please everyone BUT myself. Translation: I will work so hard for you and, in turn, get the job done no matter what.
I was bullied as a kid. I was beat up once and a few adults/teachers took advantage of me emotionally. Translation: I’m one tough cookie.
I often resorted to playing by myself because my siblings were older. Translation: I can be creative and/or work on my own when given the freedom.
I rarely received awards or even a pat on the back for doing well in school or doing anything positive at all. Translation: I don’t need praise or encouragement. Just give me a salary and health benefits.
Upon reflection, maybe I sound too pathetic.
I still receive unemployment checks, thanks to the state of Connecticut. But it doesn’t even cover my and my husband’s health insurance premium costs every month.
So, some advice from that AARP story that I referred to above? The story mentioned how readers should check out the AARP’s Job Board.
Huh. Maybe it’s time to embrace that site now.
Angela Pascopella is a 29-year veteran of journalism, writing and editing. She is studying patient advocacy via the Beryl Institute, hoping to find a job in helping patients and/or finding full-time editing work at a worthy organization. She lives in Connecticut with her husband and their adopted dog.